Atown’s Place to Think

well ive stopped all my work with my brother. actually i did that a few weeks ago, and he now has no power in the building so it looks like the business will be closed almost indefinitely. this last monday i interviewed for a  videographer position , $10 an hour, and prayerfully i’ll be able to get it. my biggest challenge starts this monday though. im back in bremerton for 2 days then i head off to kansas city Missouri for SkillsUSA national conference, once again. Next year will be my last year but ima enjoy this one. i get to do TQM for WSU and work with bremerton group ^_^. ive felt pretty overwhelmed though as of late and have needed to take some time just hanging out by myself. lotsa thinking, lotsa feelings. i prolly over think but not much i can do there. im taking it easy but i think for hte most part im still doing stuff for people though, like a people pleaser. part of that is me being non-confrontational with people, namely my folks. the other half is, i trust other people, generally older, to know whats better for me so i trust them. and in that is pressure from other people and pressure i put on myself.

In some ways, i really dont want to go on the skillsusa trip, because i want to just take time for myself. but i think otherwise it would be good for me, because it gets me out of pullman and bainbridge. alot of things weigh heavy on me as of late, so please pray for me and the trip and that i can witness too

Well, i havent written for a while mostly because life has been really hectic. alot of family issues and stuff going on. my brothers bagel shop isnt doing very well so my family decided to invest $500 for a single group latte machine and grinder so after 5 or so years i resume the title of Barista. Im in charge of all espresso in my brothers shop and all drink money is my own…… but stuff is pretty slow and not many people know about it, so effectively ive averaged about $2/hr all week, working 10 hours a day during week days and 8 hours saturday aand sunday i have no idea what time i get done with church bout that should be about 5 hours so by monday i will have worked 63 hours for about $125. We’re working on advertising schemes to help and i know the Lord is faithful in all things so im not worried. its phsyically tiring but also mentally tiring since my brother has… interesting choice of friends so i always have to keep my guard up (ive had about 3 people try and convince me to go to a stripper club -_-). one of the girls told me she really respects me though since i havent done drugs, alchohol or smoke so its kinda nice, but im really trying to light up the darkness ya know? just have to make sure i dont get consumed -_-. Keep me in your prayers and yeah… if u happen to find a giant bagel costume/suit let me know because we’re seriously considering it…

I had an interesting conversation with one of my dads students. Now it was interesting because he is a year older and was held back a year in middle school and we were talking about colleges. he brought up getting a masters degree and how it seems those who dont do the program right after their undergraduate, they are less likely to initiate going back to school. I mentioned something i remember from political science 101 about social contract and status quo/standard of living and that those people are fine with their standard of living. He mentioned going into the navy where he was promised after 1 year in their nuclear program its the equivalent of a master’s degree. I said if he is fine with that status quo and standard of living then good, because the military truly (and i sincerely mean this) does a good job caring for their enlistees and pay well. He was insulted by this for some odd reason until i brought my point full circle.

Now i have to bring it full circle in my own life since im on this track of thought. After i graduate i really have very little inkling of what i should be doing. 2 long term things are for sure though. Working with my friend brad on his shop and possibly getting a multimedia job at the university. things not so sure about – actually getting a job in a news station like my degree tells me to, find somewhere in the video game industry to make a place for myself as a gamer or a rep, or if my brothers shop actually works out i may stay and help him.

Now those are the post-graduation possibilities but will they support: a house, a newish car that gets me around, a wife, a church giving/service lifestyle, and most importantly – Gods will?

A news station job… not so much even though thats what i’ll be qualified the most for. A gaming industry job….. depends how that works out. I could be one of the few (if any) pro christian gamers, glorifying God that way  (something ive wanted since i was 10). Depending which company i work for i could also be a representative or  tech worker. Working with brad for a long run partner ship is the most lifestyle adhering thing i could do, however im not sure how well it can support a house and a wife… A university media job would also be lifestyle adhering but … do I really want to stay in pullman for that long of time doing something……. i dunno… boring? we’ll see though.

Actually these things are somewhat unrelated but things i thought I might write about.

What is your personal truth? How does it relate to your passion?
When i speak of personal truth i think more of moral convictions, therefor the question changes into how do your personal principles affect those things you are most passionate about. To change the orignal question further, how do our convictions affect our relationship with Christ, our jobs, our education, our favorite hobby, our loved ones, etc.

To bring it closer to my own home, how do my personal convictions enter into the world of video gaming. There is always the question of how “legit” the game copies are, or the music on the computer, but in those regards I keep it fairly clean. So I figure to have my convictions in gaming, they should be reflective of my attitude during the process. Can i really be proud of how i played? Did i really need to tea bag that n00b? did I really need to be a jerk and only use the awp? Should i yell at my team mates for their inexperience? thinking hypothetically, no. Those listed actions are not relfected. So if I were to enter the industry as a semi-pro gamer or a represenative of a company or active in another part of the gaming world, how should i present my moral convictions?

So i ask again: What is your (or my own) personal truth? How does it relate to your passion?

Well, I have finished all my stuff for the semester except an optional final and then I WILL BE DONE for the semester. I passed my Writing class so I can go further on in my department which is a huge praise report. I have a SkillsUSA Conference coming up this weekend so I’ll let you all know how that goes. I’ve been meaning to make food and post it up on here too, but my mom has been here for ages so I have not had to cook . I may also go into a business this semester, meaning I’ll help build and run it and own it with a friend who just graduated with an Entrepreneurial degree. So yeah keep me in your prayers that I finish strong.

“Whatever God’s dream about man may be, it seems certain it cannot come true unless man cooperates.”

the never ending truth is written above, and unless i surrender my will to Gods, then im totally a n00b.

Im constantly reminded of this scene from one of my new favorite movies ive seen 4 times now the big screen.  the world is quieter during that time and he can finally hear Gods plan. God is slowly showing me things of His plan and it started at a 24 hour lan tournament, which is kinda sad to say the least but its true. I’ve tried to get away from gaming and be a casual gamer but i was unhappy trying to fit in with everyone that was “normal.” Im going to go to SpoCon and PAX and try building some connections however my friend is going to open a shop in pullman with alot of potential to be an active gamers area and with me running events. its going to be alot of hard work, but God has also placed a girl into this place that has been encouraging me alot and is almost as nerdy/geeky/gamery as me which is almost unheard of, even for guys. We’re going to explore dating, but thats more or less hanging out with the same friends  like we always do so not much changes, but its kinda nice. Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” I have no super powers, i dont have singing equipment telling me i can build things, or a doctorate degree in virology with a legacy saving the world, but I AM an ambassoder for Christ, cleverly disguised as a gamer. And i will walk otu what God has given me

School has been pretty busy but i thought i would take a minute to evaluate something else, similar to the loneliness post. The topic today is, consequence.

What are you reminded when you hear this word? What in your mind do you associate or relate to when this word is read or spoken? For me brings me back to a generic lecture about how i have to “face the consequences of my actions.”

Dictionary.com:

That being said, how do you feel about it now? In reality its just a fancy word for the effect or outcome. But i want to ask, where did the negative connotation come from? If mixing eggs, flours, milk, sugar, then baking it at 350F for 30minutes creates cookies, the outcome or consequence of our work is some bland or inappropriately mixed cookies. The consequence for us studying our science book is knowledge.

Since working in the daycare, I have noticed the word used alot with little kids, in generally a negative notion inferring a timeout, or as they call it “taking some time to think about it.” In reality consequence has turned into an adjective in this sense. Its being used to describe something because of societies contextualized notions and therefor using the word erroneously.

The general usage of “consequence” is not just in the realm of children either. We can state that sleeping around will give you aids and you have to live with the consequences. In this sense its used appropriately because its a noun.

Now consequence is a three syllable word, and an 11-letter word. However why is it not impressive to use? using words like “insinuating,” “seditious,” and “congruent” are much shorter but hold a higher intelectual standard. So why not use ramification? Its a 12-letter word with 5 syllables and amazingly enough:

Just some food for thought on the contextualized connotations allowed by society on our language.

The title more gears toward a question at the end of this post, but The topic is loneliness. dictionary.com definition is:

for the word “lonely” they have:

2.destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, or support.

Now, what is wrong with being alone in those senses? Sure we need time alone to think or figure things out, or sometimes just need our space. When we need time to figure something out though… dont we need some form of support? Its interesting because the idea “destitute of sympathetic… companionship” implies that the person is so alone that they dont even have the care of a passing stranger, much less that of people they call (or could call) friends. being forsaken ultimately leads to sadness in some form or another. so really loneliness is a circle of despair that can disable a person. loneliness is a state of being but triggers a negative emotion.

That statement being said…. wheres the balance between loneliness and thinking by ourselves? we can truly want to be alone and think through a matter, but when do we lie to ourselves?

Well i did 22 hours of community service with the day care and really really enjoyed myself. then i got sick thursday night and couldt work friday but fridays they dont need me so much. I found out alot of the peopel are christians there and it would be amazing if i got that summer job. its monday which sucks, because im uber tired and i was drafted into the easter play, and i have ALOT to do, annd im tired from making a cheesecake at 2am….. but its a really good tasting one…

Well, just to update you guys, Its spring break and i decided to stay in pullman. I’m staying in pullman and apparently working 8 hour shifts at a community daycare as a volunteer. Now the volunteer hours help alot with my resume aswell as a class i need volunteer hours for. However, most of all I’m applying for a summer job with them >.> . Its amazingly and i never thought i would, but im working with midgets and enjoying it and yeah….. >.> . PLEASE pray i get the job over the summer, that will help with tuition costs and hopefully a wii >.>