We all go through pains in life and if we compare them to each other… well someone had it the worst. The thing is though; we all have experienced things that hurt us and hopefully contribute to the perpetual growth of our shared Christian walk. Mine is similar to another fellow I met recently through my church, but I did not face or feel the repercussions of my sins full magnitude. A ramification of meeting him, has been the felt need to write my own testimony in a linear fashion, therefore it’s not jumbled completely and constantly digressed within the confines of my mind.

I grew up in a Christian home, all of my life, which is pretty boring to be honest. Being homeschooled only gives someone great stories of how they owned their friends in video games but really that’s only because the homeschooler doesn’t really have a life. I’ll admit this doesn’t have a lot of details either but then again, this is posted on the internet so forgive my relaxed position in relation to the lack of details.

Throughout the years, starting at age 12 or so, I found myself to curious about things findable on the internet that usually had age warnings. For several years before entering a state program called “Running Start,” I had a running lust I barely rid myself of that eventful fall and coming two years. Because my brother was constantly in trouble, I was left to my own destruction while my parents tended to the task of “fixing” my brother. The attempts made for my older brother were in vain for the most part and we’ve yet to see any fruits of those actions.

For myself, I entered a Junior College quite naive and intellectually book smart as well as smitten with a red headed girl in English 101, I quickly enjoyed the company of. History repeats though and curiosity sucks.

Fast forward a bit and my fall are evident realistically and spiritually. My parents hated the idea of dating and having a part-time job and I decidedly created the reality of them for myself. I began dating the fascinatingly beautiful red-head named, Rose (name is changed for the purposes of the internet), and doing various friend’s homework for money. Even while doing this I justified it all with a new god I called “logic.” Logic made sense and was always there. I still went to church and Bible studies, but it’s safe to say I listened to logic more than I did the true Lord, Jesus. Even against the principle of serving one master, which I had been instilled with at a young age.

Another tool of my justification, my grades, greatly encouraged me. It encouraged me because my 3.6 GPA completely diffused ally my parent’s objections and they presented neither reason nor logical argument against me having a girl friend. Honoring my father and mother, when my parents were illogical, wasn’t a concern in my mind. So I always felt in the right, even though I was sinning against my parents and consequently God.

my second fall at Junior college though, I compromised myself sexually and regretfully I am no longer a virgin, something that pains me every day and I can’t gain back. It happened near Christmas time and my parents thought it was a great idea to send me to a different college branch. This was probably the hardest thing I ever faced too. I drove alone, knew no one at my new surroundings, rarely got to see the girl I “loved,” was taking 22 credits and above all else, I was disconnected from God. (To clarify the “love” part, in my heart and mind I did love her, however how much did I truly love her if I did not respect her physically and didt wait?). Everything above would have been simple and easy if the Lord was with me, but I refused to repent since I thought I was in the right. To do things on my accord I supplemented my strength with energy drinks since I was no longer imbued by God, and when I say supplemented I mean 2-3 drinks a day average to get by every day.

At the end of the school year, Rose graduated, I had 1 more quarter due to being a class behind in math, we got our passions under control, my body was close to broken, I was 1 quarter from graduation and WSU, and filled with hopes and future visions of me and rose together at WSU. I can look back, appreciate and fully understand the Garth Brooks song when it says “some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”

During the summer, every step towards God and college was a step in the right direction but was painful. A month from WSU, Rose dropped everything; she kept working but broke up with me, cancelled on WSU, everything. This was pretty painful, but since God was covering me again, it was manageable. I was pretty depressed and but still kept contact with her while at WSU. During late October though, God spoke to me in the most tangible way I’ve ever felt (which is extremely rare for me to hear/feel strongly anything from God even as things got better). This hit me even harder than the break up because it meant fully clinging to God, not the one who was always my comfort and knew me better than myself. The one I had an invested friendship and relationship for the last two years. My center and focus, and right there is why it had to be done.

It was hard because, I don’t know (even to this day)), if she understood it all, but I needed to do it. After that stuff, life clicked. I started sleeping better, and God worked in powerful ways in my life. Grace became my new friend and God was finally my God. I’m not perfect by any means currently, and have faced and still continue to face a lot of “faith building” activities. But I am a Christian, one saved by grace and a gamer, bent on enduring for the prize set before me (taking from Christ’s example in Heb 12:2), a life and eternity spent with God.